This was the actual thing I was looking for yesterday, but instead I found the other one. Here it is:
1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.
2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what "really" happened.
3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.
4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.
5. I just wasn't "feelin' it" this morning.
6. I was up all night arguing with God.
7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.
8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.
9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
10. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around... so I got out of the car.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Excuses
I found a website which has excuses for being late for school or for forgetting your homework. There's about 200 excuses and they all really did happen. Here's one that I thought took too much time and effort to come up with:
"226. Second semester freshman year I managed to attend fifteen classes combined between five courses for the entire semester. The way in which I did this would surely send me to hell if I weren't Jewish (no hell:)) This was a two step process. First, I told one of my teachers that a friend of mine from home had gotten into a car accident and I had to go home and see him. Two weeks and no classes later, I was writing an e-mail to the same professor to explain my absences. I wrote that my friend had sadly passed away and that I had to attend the funeral in... and this was the kicker... Hungary. Why Hungary? Why not? No death certificate necessary as well as two more weeks without class. I passed this info on to all my other teachers and it worked for three weeks. Then they started asking questions so I had to tell them I was taking his death pretty hard. Bam! Two more weeks without classes. At the end of the semester I had missed most of my classes and all of my midterms so I went to see the school psychologist to tell him I was more or less having a nervous break down. A few more phone calls to my teachers (who were more than sympathetic) and I finished the semester with two B's, two B+'s, and one F (the heartless bastard). What's more, I actually had a friend at school who was from Hungary and was also a slacker. Around finals, he hadn't turned in his final or his midterm for a class we were in together. He told me he was going to tell the teacher a friend of his in Hungary had died. Thank God he talked to me first and we managed to straighten things out. We decided that he had a friend in Turkey that had died. He got a B+, too."
"226. Second semester freshman year I managed to attend fifteen classes combined between five courses for the entire semester. The way in which I did this would surely send me to hell if I weren't Jewish (no hell:)) This was a two step process. First, I told one of my teachers that a friend of mine from home had gotten into a car accident and I had to go home and see him. Two weeks and no classes later, I was writing an e-mail to the same professor to explain my absences. I wrote that my friend had sadly passed away and that I had to attend the funeral in... and this was the kicker... Hungary. Why Hungary? Why not? No death certificate necessary as well as two more weeks without class. I passed this info on to all my other teachers and it worked for three weeks. Then they started asking questions so I had to tell them I was taking his death pretty hard. Bam! Two more weeks without classes. At the end of the semester I had missed most of my classes and all of my midterms so I went to see the school psychologist to tell him I was more or less having a nervous break down. A few more phone calls to my teachers (who were more than sympathetic) and I finished the semester with two B's, two B+'s, and one F (the heartless bastard). What's more, I actually had a friend at school who was from Hungary and was also a slacker. Around finals, he hadn't turned in his final or his midterm for a class we were in together. He told me he was going to tell the teacher a friend of his in Hungary had died. Thank God he talked to me first and we managed to straighten things out. We decided that he had a friend in Turkey that had died. He got a B+, too."
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
"Kid Nation"
Well, the title explains it. I just watched the first part of "Kid Nation" and it seemed interesting. On the first night there at the town, the kids already started to argue a lot. The town leaders are ok, but they don't seem to get that much respect from the others and I think it's becuase they aren't the oldest ones.
I also saw on the previews that they actually do have to do everything by themselves and that means killing the sheep and chicken for meat. I'm not sure yet if they're actually going to do it, but it'll be interesting.
I thought it was cool how one of the teams get to run a store. They sold candies and soda for only 5 cents (I liked the price!).
O yea, one of the kids already won a gold star, awarded by the leaders, for working the hardest. They most suprising part was that it was actual gold! $20,000!!!
I also saw on the previews that they actually do have to do everything by themselves and that means killing the sheep and chicken for meat. I'm not sure yet if they're actually going to do it, but it'll be interesting.
I thought it was cool how one of the teams get to run a store. They sold candies and soda for only 5 cents (I liked the price!).
O yea, one of the kids already won a gold star, awarded by the leaders, for working the hardest. They most suprising part was that it was actual gold! $20,000!!!
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